I’ve realized something this weekend. I don’t do drama. I knew before that I didn’t like it and wouldn’t tolerate it, but none of my friends tried to force it down my throat. This weekend that happened. And I realized my reaction is to pull away from it however possible.
I played with someone I THOUGHT I had permission from my friend to play with. She has a girlfriend but is play partners with the guy I played with. They aren’t in a relationship, just play partners. So there shouldn’t be an issue at all, but clearly there was. Apparently she’d revoked the permission and failed to inform me. Or rather, she wanted me to reask now that there was a specific date set up. Never mind the fact she was actually setting up a date between him and me where her and her girlfriend would also help him spank, flog, and whip me. So, I didn’t think it was necessary to ask permission, yet again, before I set up the date, so the date was set up, spontaneously at that. I was still going to tell her about it in the morning because while I knew I had her permission, I’m considerate like that and I wanted to make sure there would be no issues. I have little like for talking via email, so I was waiting until I could talk to her via IM at the least.
But I never even got the chance. By the time I had woken up, she had heard of the play date and gotten herself upset to the point of being sick. She was closing down her Fet page and asked me not to contact her. I had an inkling as the day went on what her issue was, but wasn’t certain. It didn’t make sense to me. It still doesn’t. Why would she get so distraught over me playing with this guy she had already given me permission to play with AND was setting up a date for all of us with?
I finally figured out for certain the day after it all that her upsetness was because of me. She feels “betrayed by someone she thought she could trust.” Really? Betrayed? Because I didn’t ask permission, yet again? Too much drama over something so ridiculous.
I got pissed off. That’s my reaction to drama. Especially when it’s shoved down my throat. I’m still pissed off because it’s still being shoved down my throat. Almost to the point that I am close to saying “fuck it, it is really not worth the friendship to me.” I don’t do drama. I stay far away from it. I don’t friend known drama queens. I can’t handle their constant up and down.
Sure, we all have moments of getting emotional, but for the most part, I’m fairly rational in my emotions. I like things calm and even keel. It takes too much energy to be so up and down.
So I’m certain she thinks I don’t give a shit, and I guess in part she’s correct because part of me just wants to get away from the drama. But it’s more of my reaction to drama than my feelings about the friendship. And it doesn’t help that I still don’t understand how she has gotten so upset over the whole situation. She claims everything would have been far better if she had found out from me instead of from her girlfriend, but really, not in my control beyond sending a message. And really, who sends a freaking message like that? “Oh by the way, So-and-so and I are going to play tomorrow night. You’re still okay with that, right? I mean, you are setting up a date for all of us, so words and actions are both fitting with you being okay with this.”
Oh, and she feels we did this behind her back, even though it was very public and very obviously spontaneous how we went about setting up the date.
But whatever. She’s blogging like crazy about it, playing the “wounded, innocent, betrayed by the evil friend” card. I want to respond, but I think it’s best for me to just leave her alone until she gets stuff sorted out in her head and becomes more rational about it all. So I guess in a way, this is my response. I don’t blog enough for anyone to keep tabs on this blog, outside of the 4 people who get the emails, so she may not even read this until weeks or months later. And that’s just fine. Probably for the best even. I just needed to get this crap off of my chest and have my side of the story out there in the ether.
I am also a little bitter that my first real experience with getting my ass beat was marred with this drama, but oh well. I’m certain there will be future opportunities to get beat, and I can relish in those when they occur, hopefully. And no worries, I'll try to remember to blog about this first for me sometime this week, because it sure was a ton of fun!
Guess for now, I just sit back and see where this heads while trying to stay away from the dramatics as much as possible.
