Why "The Taming of the Smartass?"

So what's with the title of my blog? It's quite simple really. I love sarcasm. I love being a smartass. I love being a goofball. All of them come fairly naturally to me. However, I'm quite certain that all three will get me a red tush or some equally horrible (enjoyable?) punishment at some point. Most likely frequently at that.

Yet another positive of joining FetLife was a thread I found over the weekend. One of the groups I'm in, Submissive Women, has a thread titled "Things you shouldn't **DO** to your Dom." And yeah, it's just that. I got to enjoy 24 pages of hilarious hijinks subs have done intentionally or unintentionally to their Dom/mes. It reassured me that just because I'm a smartass, it doesn't mean I'm not a sub.

So many of the stories had me rolling. My favorite story was this one, "Pop rocks blow job. Sounds like fun right? yeah make sure none of them get into the hole. And if one does, and then pops, DONT LAUGH!!!!"

I promise you I would NEVER EVER do that. But OMG was it hilarious! I laughed for at least 5 minutes on that one. I still snicker when I think about it.

That story reminds of another sub who thought it would be funny to tape sidewalk poppers to the bottom of the toilet seat - really to those tabs that hold the top seat from lying on the bowl directly. When her Dom sat down, they all went off, and he went a jumpin'. LOL That one sounds like an excellent April Fool's Day prank to me. Or just an excellent prank in general. Hehe.

Most stories simply brought me a good chuckle. Some stories reminded me of things I do often to friends, meaning I'm bound to slip up and do to a Dom at some point.

Rope stories were fun. Some would use the free end of the rope to hit their Dom/me. *laughs* Some wanted to use it to play tug of war. And some would sing or whistle while waiting for ropes to be tied. THAT one is something I would so do. I constantly hum the Jeopardy theme song around people when I'm waiting on them to say or do something. Oh yeah, that one's happening eventually. Probably multiple times too.

A lot of subs liked to run away from their Dom/mes. That's just WRONG! I imagine it's hilarious though. I often will do or say something to a friend which will begin a chase, and I yell out, "Run, run as fast as you can. Can't catch me I'm the Gingerbread Man!" Being chased around the room/house sounds kind of hot, no? *snickers*

One thing for the "Fun Being a Smartass" vault was inspired by me telling someone yesterday, "Oh, yeah? Watchya gonna do?" I have had to watch Cops or at the very least hear the theme song so many times in my life it's ridiculous. This is how I see this one playing out:

     Me: *does something stupid but funny/cute*
     Dom: Stop.
     Me: *repeats action*
     Dom: Stop. Or else.
     Me: Oooooh. *sings, 'Whatchya gonna do, whatchya gonna do when they come for you?'* *giggles*
     Dom: That's it! *walks over, grabs me, & drags me off to punish me*

Try telling me with a straight face you didn't at least crack a smile. LOL

Oh, and before I end this post, I'd like to prove how in trouble I'll get myself...I'm already in trouble. Apparently, even though you want to surprise Sir with pictures of you, it's preferable to ask him if it's a good time for such things or they may be accidentally viewed around other co-workers. Oopsie! No one else saw this time. But yeah. I'm in for a punishment for that one. No clue what it is, but he liked the pictures so I doubt it'll be too horrible. *snickers and skips away*

Sigh

So, a huge thing about me is this: I HATE disappointing, pissing off, or hurting anyone. It makes me feel like shit most of the time. Sure, sometimes I just have to stand up to someone and they'll get pissed off, but I'm usually justified and so don't feel as bad about it.

Well, last night I apparently hurt someone. A lot. I'd been chatting with a guy I met on FetLife. I had made it clear, or so I thought (though I don't know how I can get any clearer than "I just see you as a friend."), that I was only interested in friendship from him. He even joked often he was "trying to behave." So I assumed he understood. But apparently not. Last night he made a comment that he could do to me what was in a pic I had commented on. I'm all for platonic flirting, but knowing that this guy liked me a lot, I didn't think he was platonicly flirting with his offer, so I responded, "No thank you." To which he said, "Ouch!" Understandable and a fair response. I apologized but he continued with his guilt trip. Even going so far to post about it in his status on Fet - no names were said, just said he was tired of speaking up and getting hurt and so he was going to shut up from now on.

I felt and still feel HORRIBLE. I know I probably shouldn't. I made my intentions of friends only clear, or at least tried to. And logic would state that it would NEVER work between us. His profile says he is a Switch, but he told me he felt like dominating in the bedroom lately. But all of his actions screamed "sub!" to me. He constantly asked me what I thought of him and his pictures and if I missed him that day. Okay, I know I can be pretty damn needy at times, but even I reign that kind of stuff in, especially when just starting to get to know someone. I don't understand why he doesn't see that we wouldn't be a good match, but I guess that part isn't really my problem.

His guilt trip made me feel horrible all night. Other things which wouldn't normally have upset me, did since I was so emotionally raw from feeling so guilty. I went to bed wanting to cry myself to sleep, but the tears wouldn't come. One of the times I hate that it's so damn hard for me to cry since I know it would be a stress relief right now. I woke up several times over the course of the night. I knew I would. When I have guilt eating at me, I don't tend to sleep well.

Well, this morning I wake up with an idea to make myself feel better and to surprise my Sir. Yeah, think before acting. Actually, normally, sending picture messages without asking first and causing a possible "oops" would most likely make me crack up laughing. It's just after last night, the emotions are a little raw. *sigh*

I'll get over it all eventually. And probably laugh about the picture thing later today or tomorrow.

Thanks for "listening" to me whine. I promise not many posts will be this bad. I just had to get this one off my chest.

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