50 Shades/Master of the Universe

Posted this on Fet because I figured I'd get more comments and conversation there, but wanted to post here as well. And on a side note, I will really try harder to keep this blog updated.

Interesting story on the Today Show, which touches on BDSM a little because of its presence in a very popular new book "Fifty Shades of Grey."

The video is here.

I have not read "Fifty Shades." But I DID read this story when it was a Twilight fanfic called "Master of the Universe." Yes, same author.

As MOTU, as it was known, it was a VERY popular fanfic, and well deserved in the praise it got. EL James is an excellent writer. And yes, it did have some BDSM, but the story was more focused on the relationship between Edward (or "50 Shades" as he was known among fanfic readers, to distinguish which Edward/story was being discussed) and Bella, as well as, WHY Edward needed BDSM. Granted, his journey into it sort of paints those in the lifestyle in a bad light, but eventually Edward and Bella get to a point where it is a good and healthy thing. And I'll admit, it IS one of the handful of stories which made me turned on and curious enough to delve into this lifestyle.

The reaction of those covering the book on the Today Show is what I find interesting. Two of the three person panel, one being Dr. Drew Pinsky, are disturbed by it and think it shows and downward spiral in our society. Only one woman speaks up and says that is creative and healthy and good. Granted, she is also more focused on the fantasizing about it as opposed to the practice, but eh.

Again, I'm intrigued by the reaction of the professionals. While housewives said it spiced up their marriage, professionals seem to be against it. And I'm wondering if the twisted way in which 50 Shades gets involved in the lifestyle is partly to blame for the disturbance, or if they would be disturbed no matter what.

I am a little shock Dr. Drew is disturbed by this. I apparently had a completely different impression of him as being open minded sexually.

What I'm wondering is, who out there has read MOTU or 50 Shades and what are your thoughts on the fanfic story/book and on the Today's Show coverage of the story/book?

Drama: No Thank You!

I’ve realized something this weekend. I don’t do drama. I knew before that I didn’t like it and wouldn’t tolerate it, but none of my friends tried to force it down my throat. This weekend that happened. And I realized my reaction is to pull away from it however possible.

I played with someone I THOUGHT I had permission from my friend to play with. She has a girlfriend but is play partners with the guy I played with. They aren’t in a relationship, just play partners. So there shouldn’t be an issue at all, but clearly there was. Apparently she’d revoked the permission and failed to inform me. Or rather, she wanted me to reask now that there was a specific date set up. Never mind the fact she was actually setting up a date between him and me where her and her girlfriend would also help him spank, flog, and whip me. So, I didn’t think it was necessary to ask permission, yet again, before I set up the date, so the date was set up, spontaneously at that. I was still going to tell her about it in the morning because while I knew I had her permission, I’m considerate like that and I wanted to make sure there would be no issues. I have little like for talking via email, so I was waiting until I could talk to her via IM at the least.

But I never even got the chance. By the time I had woken up, she had heard of the play date and gotten herself upset to the point of being sick. She was closing down her Fet page and asked me not to contact her. I had an inkling as the day went on what her issue was, but wasn’t certain. It didn’t make sense to me. It still doesn’t. Why would she get so distraught over me playing with this guy she had already given me permission to play with AND was setting up a date for all of us with?

I finally figured out for certain the day after it all that her upsetness was because of me. She feels “betrayed by someone she thought she could trust.” Really? Betrayed? Because I didn’t ask permission, yet again? Too much drama over something so ridiculous.

I got pissed off. That’s my reaction to drama. Especially when it’s shoved down my throat. I’m still pissed off because it’s still being shoved down my throat. Almost to the point that I am close to saying “fuck it, it is really not worth the friendship to me.” I don’t do drama. I stay far away from it. I don’t friend known drama queens. I can’t handle their constant up and down.

Sure, we all have moments of getting emotional, but for the most part, I’m fairly rational in my emotions. I like things calm and even keel. It takes too much energy to be so up and down.

So I’m certain she thinks I don’t give a shit, and I guess in part she’s correct because part of me just wants to get away from the drama. But it’s more of my reaction to drama than my feelings about the friendship. And it doesn’t help that I still don’t understand how she has gotten so upset over the whole situation. She claims everything would have been far better if she had found out from me instead of from her girlfriend, but really, not in my control beyond sending a message. And really, who sends a freaking message like that? “Oh by the way, So-and-so and I are going to play tomorrow night. You’re still okay with that, right? I mean, you are setting up a date for all of us, so words and actions are both fitting with you being okay with this.”

Oh, and she feels we did this behind her back, even though it was very public and very obviously spontaneous how we went about setting up the date.

But whatever. She’s blogging like crazy about it, playing the “wounded, innocent, betrayed by the evil friend” card. I want to respond, but I think it’s best for me to just leave her alone until she gets stuff sorted out in her head and becomes more rational about it all. So I guess in a way, this is my response. I don’t blog enough for anyone to keep tabs on this blog, outside of the 4 people who get the emails, so she may not even read this until weeks or months later. And that’s just fine. Probably for the best even. I just needed to get this crap off of my chest and have my side of the story out there in the ether.

I am also a little bitter that my first real experience with getting my ass beat was marred with this drama, but oh well. I’m certain there will be future opportunities to get beat, and I can relish in those when they occur, hopefully. And no worries, I'll try to remember to blog about this first for me sometime this week, because it sure was a ton of fun!

Guess for now, I just sit back and see where this heads while trying to stay away from the dramatics as much as possible.

Oh, I have a blog?

I keep forgetting I have a blog. And forgetting to update it. Oopsies.

Really, I am sorry I keep forgetting about this. Not as though I have a ton of readers or say much of interest, but some people may be interested in my ramblings.

I'll try to get some updates going.

Fetish: Spanking (Updated)

Well, this girl finally got her first real spanking. I didn't even have to misbehave to get it either. Hehe!


I had no real expectations going into it, so I can't say that it was or was not what I expected it to be. I don't think I expected it to hurt so much. I was thinking of the mild smacks I had received before. But Bourbonlime is strong and can hit hard. And he really got into it as much as I did. Once the smacks were landing on places which had already been hit the stinging set in. It didn't last long, but it definitely stung. But I'm find I don't really mind about the pain from being spanked, and now I also have nice marks on my tushie. Hopefully they'll last until the next time Bourbonlime and I can play and he can give me new marks. Never thought I was a masochist, but I guess I'm a little bit of one since it takes pain to create marks, and I really like marks.

This was also the first time I had ever been high after having sex. Nothing was really different on the sex side of what we did. Sex with Bourbonlime is ALWAYS fantastic. So all that's really left as a variable is me getting spanked. It's entirely possible that is why I was high. Or maybe it was something else. I guess time and more experiences will be the judge. But I can say this, being high after getting fucked very well is AMAZING!!! I was a little goofy too. And "yelled" at one friend for expecting me to use my brain. Once I explained I was still high though so could not be expected to think, he was fine. Haha! But still...being high from sex was awesome.

Positivity

I have a problem when it comes to guys. I’ve spent lots of time pursuing guys who were interested at one point in time but then who, for one reason or another, lost interest; and trying to fix relationships (dating and friends) in which I was the only one trying to fix things. It’s damaging to one’s ego. And a complete waste of time.

The problem is I hate giving up on people, so I will give them a million chances, always hoping they will change. That way, I know when I do give up on them and write them off, I don’t have to feel guilty over it. But in the meantime, I look like a giant idiot because I’m the only one trying. And probably annoying the piss out of the other person, which just makes things worse.

So I’m pulling up my big girl panties and forcing myself to change. I’m going to attempt to listen to what a person’s actions are telling me about them and their opinion on things. I tend to be afraid I’m assuming something which is incorrect, but I really need to learn to just go with my gut. If a guy isn’t making it obvious he’s interested and staying in contact or saying why he won’t be in contact for awhile, I need to learn to accept his disinterest. And I need to move on, not feel guilty for doing so, and not feel bad about any part of it.

So from now on I'm choosing to be positive. And I will remind myself of the awesome things I have. Some of which are:

• I have an amazingly sexy lover/play partner, whom I love and who loves me, but will still let me play with anyone else I want to.  (And he can play with whomever to, just so you don’t think it’s one-sided.)
• I have awesome friends - Fet & non-Fet, who love me and care about me as an entire person, and who support me no matter what.
• I constantly have cute, sexy, funny guys to chat with who are potential future play partners (mostly online because of distance), or at the very least, fun guys to flirt with.
• And I have marks on my butt because Bourbonlime finally gave me that spanking I’ve been waiting for. Hehe!

Therefore, I’ve no need to dwell on the ones who no longer seem interested in me. I don’t need to waste my time, seeking approval and acceptance from people who don’t care enough to give it. I can revel in being an extremely lucky girl, because I really am surrounded by so many awesome people.

"Good Girl"

Oh how I love hearing or reading this phrase. I seriously get a thrill every single time. I’ve been the type of person who strives to achieve good attention all of my life, so it’s not really a shock I would love hearing this. But yet it still is a shock to me how much I love hearing this. My heart will normally skip a beat or my stomach will clench when I’ve done or said something to earn a “good girl.” And I probably get a big stupid grin on my face.

I love this phrase so much, I even got a smile and a thrill when I read it in a story. The story had nothing to do with D/s and the conversation was between a girl and her boyfriend’s mother and the mother said to her, “You are a good girl,” in with some other things. I got a stupid grin on my face before I even realized it wasn’t remotely in the same context. That’s how much I love hearing it. 

For that reason, some of my brattiness may get shoved aside in favor of trying to earn this phrase more often. But we’ll see. I’ve found I tend to be brattier online than in person. Perhaps that’s because I only see my play partner once a week, if that, and so I want our time together to be really good. I don’t want to waste it with brattiness. He gets my brattiness online though. No worries, it hasn’t died. I am still me. And perhaps if we spent more than a few hours a week together, he’d get it in person. Wonder if I would get those spankings if I was bratty in person???? Hmmmm...something to be considered. Tehe.

Fetish: Spanking

Mmmm…spanking. Okay, in fairness, I haven’t actually gotten a good solid spanking yet. I’m still waiting. I have had my ass slapped a few times though. Nothing substantial, but I think it has been enough to learn I do enjoy this, immensely.

I didn’t really question if I would or wouldn’t be into this though. I was fairly certain it would be a resounding “YES!” I can remember as a child being excited for birthday spankings. Okay, I know it was all about the attention then and not about being turned on, but the idea didn’t bother me. I guess maybe it was because I never really got spanked as a child. All my parents needed to do was give me a stern look and I’d burst into tears. I can only even remember one spanking. And it was for something stupid. My dad was teaching me to ride a bike, and I couldn’t get it…yet. I actually got spanked for that! Then again, that was in his drinking days. Mom coddled me and took my side afterwards. So :p to dad!

But I digress. It amazes me the kinks people get into. And me having a curious, scientific mind, I want to study the psychology behind it. But I’m not going to go out and interview a bunch of people, so I just analyze my own self. But I still don’t have answers.

The only answer I have is that when my friend ran his hand down my back and smacked my ass, it felt amazing. When my current play partner randomly smacks my ass, I relish in it and want more. I’m still waiting for the day when someone gives me a proper spanking…to the point of giving me a very red, and possibly bruised, ass. It’s possible I wouldn’t like that so much, but I don’t think so. I am fairly certain I will be thankful for having a job I must be standing at all times for though. Haha!

Fetish: Hair Pulling

Oh yes, Suz likes having her hair pulled. The first time I played is when I learned this one. My friend who enlightened me on how good anal can be was fingering me, rather hard, and then he reached down, grabbed my hair and pulled so hard it yanked my head back. I was kind of in heaven. 

My current play partner has pulled my hair several times as well and I love it every time.

There is a catch though. I have to be aroused or at least into you for me to enjoy it. I met up with a guy I had been chatting with for several weeks and within the first few minutes of meeting he pulled my hair to control my head. And I was definitely not into it. All I was thinking was “What the fuck? Well this is awkward…and sucks.”

I mean, I already knew random hair pulling would piss me off and make me likely to punch or kick you. But now I know, and I suppose others should know as well, if I’m not into you and you pull my hair I’m going to like you even less. You won’t get punched or kicked, I’ll just be thinking you’re weird. Haha. Although, I do think it was inappropriate when this guy did it. We had JUST met in person. Not even talked for 5 minutes and he did it. Geez Louise, give me some time to figure out if I like you or not first please! 

So yeah, if I’m not into you or if you aren’t sure if I’m into you, pulling my hair = bad idea. But if I’m into you, and you’ll KNOW, then pull my hair as much as you want. Mmmm….

Fetish: Hand on Throat/Neck

The thought of a hand on my neck, firmly gripping but not squeezing, has intrigued me for awhile. However, it wasn’t until I was making out in Target with my current play partner and he put his hand on my neck that I found out how much I really liked. I’m pretty sure I moaned the first time he did it. Yes, I like it that much.

I know I don’t want to be choked. I’ve been choked before, albeit it was not in a sexual sense. Although, the next time my play partner and I played, he did it again and this time he started squeezing. At first it was okay, but then it became too much. I told him, he backed off. And come to think of it, he hasn’t done it since...I think I need to talk to him about this. ;)

But yes, Suz likes the hand on her throat…very much. 

I’m not really sure why. Perhaps it is the power one has over me by placing their hand there. Perhaps it is just incredibly intimate with a touch of forcefulness. Not sure on the why. But I am sure on the liking it.

Anal

I tried anal for the first time over 10 years ago. The guy I was dating at the time, really wanted to do it. He told me he knew how to make it feel good for both of us. He was full of shit. He was also a pathological liar, which I realized later and broke up with him for, but that’s a different story. 

Anyways, since I wanted to make him happy, even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole thing, I agreed to it. He had me lie on my side. There was no prep really and there were no weeks of training my ass. He wasn’t even that hard when he went to push in and while I think he lubed up a little, it certainly wasn’t enough. 

It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t pleasant. It just felt awkward and uncomfortable for me. I have since learned he did EVERYTHING wrong. I shouldn’t have been lying on my side, I should’ve been ass up. He should’ve been hard as a rock, so it would make it easier on me when he was sliding in. He should’ve lubed up A LOT. And at a minimum, there should’ve been size prep in that moment – finger to multiple fingers to a dildo and then his cock.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. One of my Fet friends & I are discussing anal and he tells me I should give it another try, suggesting I buy an anal training kit and use that first. I take his suggestion and get the kit. I open it and am scared to death of the large plug. I still am. Haha! The medium plug is at least sane to think about. But I start out with the small plug. It feels awkward to me. I don’t really know how I feel about it, and I’m back to worrying that I will never like anal.

A week or so later same friend comes over. He tells me he wants me to use the medium plug, so I hand him the plug and the lube. He fucks my ass with the plug for awhile, and I’m in shock at how good it feels and that it is actually turning me on! He fingers me for a long time, occasionally bumping the plug, and I’m in heaven. I will never forget the experience because he actually showed me anal could feel amazing. I owe him many thanks for that one. (I’m sure some future guys do as well. Ha!)

My next endeavor was putting the plug in myself. I used the friend’s method of fucking myself with it for awhile first and then getting it in. Then I got brave and pulled out a couple of toys and used them on my pussy, while the plug was in. It was incredible. I could feel the head of the dildo sliding passed the plug. You’d think it would be an awkward feeling, but it wasn’t at all. 

And now, I really, REALLY want to try DP with two guys. I mean, I wanted an MMF threesome anyways, but now it could perhaps be even more fun. 

I suppose I should at least try anal without toys first though. I’ll get there. But at least I no longer have a fear of anal and know it can feel amazing!