Weird mood tonight

So...this was always meant to be a place for me to share and vent my feelings and revelations about myself on this journey, and I'm going to do that, damn the consequences...

Tonight I'm CRAVING D/s. I want to be owned, and I want some real life play. Yeah, Sir owns me in a way but at the same time doesn't completely. It's weird. But I want to be and feel owned.

It's not exactly a new feeling. But I've never had this craving so strong before. And I don't really know how to handle this or what to do about it, outside of just pulling up my girl panties and getting over it.

Also trying to figure out if the mood is because of a weird conversation earlier or if my weirdness to the conversation is because of my mood. Hard to figure out really.

I thought a friendship had potential to move towards a friends with benefits situation, which I'm fine with having until I find something long-term. It gives me a chance to explore D/s and what I do and don't like in a situation where no one gets hurt if things don't work because I don't like something. But then today was a ton of talk of threesomes, to the point of me thinking that's all it would ever be. Which isn't necessarily D/s to me and doesn't give an opportunity for that D/s dynamic to ever really build. I couldn't really figure out earlier why the idea that it would only be threesomes bothered me so much. I was thinking it was because it would be so inconsistent because you'd constantly be searching for that third party, unless all three people were a consistent thing. But after thinking on it, I really think my issue is that I want a D/s "relationship" and that can't be built when the scenarios are ALWAYS threesomes.

Which may be dumb to say since if I ever do get to meet Sir and his wife it will be a threesome. BUT we've played online and built a D/s dynamic ahead of time. It just feels different to me.

I don't know. Maybe I read the situation all wrong...either side of it. I suck at reading signs and signals. I fuck 'em up all the time. Or maybe it's just my mood making me all weird about things. I suppose I'll figure it out in a few days once this mood passes. At least I hope it passes!

Or maybe I'm once again over-analyzing everything. Bah! Going to bed!