A person’s reaction to any name or title very much depends on many things. It depends on the person saying the name, the person hearing the name, the tone in which the name is said, when the name is said, and the name itself – your given name, your full name, a nickname, a pet name, or an insulting name.
Think back to when you were a child and one of your parents said your full name. You knew without a doubt you were in a world of trouble then, didn’t you?
Now think of a time when a loved one whispered your name or called you a pet name with affection. It probably made you smile, maybe melt a little bit, and probably a hundred different reactions beyond those two.
I know even with friends I get a smile on my face when I hear some of their nicknames for me. Most of the nicknames are random and sometimes the results of jokes, but they are personal to me and to the person saying it. How could I not feel loved and cherished by my friends when I hear those names?
A name can inspire a thousand reactions from the person hearing it. And sometimes it causes a reaction for the person saying it.
I think names are sort of a big deal in BDSM, at least that’s my humble, still learning opinion. I’ve seen a handful of discussions on FetLife about names and titles. It was the biggest question I had when entering upon this new journey. Well, really two questions, “What do I call a potential or future Dom?” and “When do I begin calling him that?” So one of the first things I did upon joining was seek out threads which answered those questions and read through them.
I’m finding my reaction to various names and titles interesting. “Slut” and “whore” are fairly derogatory, and I’d probably punch or go off on anyone who randomly called me either of those on the street. Okay, I lie. I wouldn’t punch anyone because I’m not actually violent. I would just fantasize punching them, but you get the idea. I’d be pissed off. However, when Sir calls me either of those names when we are playing, I just get turned on more. An unusual reaction for most, but then again, I am on an unusual journey.
At the same time, when Sir calls me any of his pet names I light up. And if he puts “my” in front of any of them or my name, or if he just says “mine,” it makes it ten times better. (How many of my readers are cringing in their seats on that one? LOL!) I know, I know. I feel like such a ridiculous sap or a school girl with a crush if I actually stop to think about it. Which is why I don’t most of the time, I just go with it. Hehe.
As for what I call others, well, I’ve learned how much of a level of respect is involved with calling someone “Sir” or “Ma’am.” Despite what others have wanted, the only one I currently feel comfortable calling “Sir,” or even want to call “Sir,” is Sir. (Haha! That’s not confusing or anything.) And anyone who tries to bully me into calling them something I’m not ready to will find out real fast that just because I’m new and I’m a sub, it doesn't mean I am a doormat or completely naïve.
On the flip side of that, I hope that whenever I do call someone “Sir” or “Ma’am,” he or she recognizes the significance of it. Since it’s not something I say to every Dom/me, it matters when I do say it. Of course I frequently say “sir” or “ma’am” when interacting with people in my everyday life, but those are lower case and definitely a different connotation.
The point to all this? Just that I’m learning how much names and the two people on either side of those names matters. I suppose it all matters just as much in everyday life as well, but there is a greater significance in the BDSM world. After all, calling my mom by her given name may receive a questioning look if the reason for it is not obvious, but it is not going to get me smacked. However, calling a Dom by his given name when we are playing would likely earn me a punishment real fast. At the same time, someone randomly calling me “babe” would earn them an “Excuse me?” with an I-Don’t-Think-So look. But Sir calling me “babe” simply brings a smile to my face.
What are your thoughts on it all?
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